Today was my last workout of week three in the Couch to 5k workout program. I truly have to say that i'm surprised i survived this week at all! But i'm glad i did, of course and i'm really looking forward to week four!
With the exception of the last run, all of the segments of today's workout were great. The last run, however, i really, REALLY had to push myself through. I may or may not have even slowed down for about 20 seconds right in the middle...
Also, today is my third day without sweets (or facebook). The first day was the hardest, definitely. Thursday, we went to The Ballyduff Drama Group's festival performance. During the intermission, there were cakes and sweets and cookies ALL OVER THE PLACE - and even tea (which i usually take with sugar)... and i had a glass of milk instead. Resisting the cakes though - that was slightly difficult.
The most difficult part of the evening for me came during this intermission.
Not because of sweets or teas - but because of anxiety.
My whole life, i believe i have suffered from anxiety. It's something i've learned to deal with throughout life, as my anxiety moments have usually only lasted a couple minutes at most and came rather randomly (ie- when i'm reading a book, watching tv, cooking, sitting in class, taking a shower...).
Last night was completely different though. The play was SUPER oversold, and as people left the theater to come into the reception hall (which is considerably smaller than the theater), the room filled up quickly. When I got there, the room was full, but there was still room to get around. By the time i got my glass of milk, there was standing room only. I tried to find a little pocket of space where i could just center myself for a moment, but no... there was no space. ANYWHERE!
I started to freak out. My breathing became irregular and the little anxiety moments i've felt in the past were absolutely nothing compared with what i felt building up inside of me. I had. to. get. OUT!
I started making my way toward a door only to be blocked by people and tables.
I turned, and tried to evaluate all the exits and which one i could make for the quickest.
I decide that the main entrance was the one to go for and made my way there (FREAKIIIIING OUUUUT!!). I tried to be as polite as possible and not shove my way through (after all, people are standing around with hot tea). It seemed that there was a wall of bodies i had to get through - all chattering and laughing, and no one was noticing me or my little episode (which is good and bad) and the wave of people just kept coming in through the door.
At this point, i'm having to suppress the urge to claw, punch, kick, and shove my way through the masses when finally i see a little pocket of space and in it - an empty chair.
I bolt for it, sit down, and do my best not to start sobbing.
I realize people are feeling uncomfortable around me now, so i decide to move outside for some fresh air... and it really did help... until i realized it was spitting rain (the kind that drenches you in seconds), so i took a deep, cleansing breath, and went back into the tangle of people.
I'm still feeling a bit anxious at that time so i thought it would be best to head toward the theater, reasoning it would be emptier than the main hall. V and i make it into the theater but i feel too sick to my stomach and anxious to enjoy the rest of the play - so we left.
I feel much better today but that was definitely no fun.
A friend of mine in college once told me that anxiety can be dealt with by exercise. I hope that there's truth in what she said, because i certainly would not like to experience that level of anxiety again any time soon.
Hmm... perhaps it's really time to make an appointment with a doctor to test my thyroid levels...
PS. little reminder to my Facebook friends who follow my blog and would like to leave a comment - please remember i won't be able to read any comments you leave on the NetworkedBlogs links that come up on my Facebook page until Easter. Would love to read your comments here, instead!! Thanks!