I'm not sure i've ever looked forward to exercising so much in my life - and that's really saying something. I hated to exercise. HATED. IT. Why? Because i'm a fatty and it's no fun to get up and get going only to get winded and feel embarrassed because my shirt keeps riding up my fat sides and back. It's no fun to be inhibited in movement because my skin and all the fat underneath it limit my range of motion.
I remember how it felt to be slender and limber.
This weekend was pretty good. I ate a bunch of stuff i shouldn't have, of course, but on the other hand - i didn't over-indulge like i used to. I think that's a step in the right direction.
I had a hard day on Sunday.
If you ask my brother or my nephews (who are all around my age - nephews, not my brothers) with whom i basically spent all my summers with after we moved to the lower 48 from Alaska - they'd probably be able to tell you that my favorite thing to do was to swim.
Swimming for me is pretty much the most freeing thing... i love the rush of the cool water against my face as i swim under the water and i love how light i feel when i float on top of it, watching the sky. I love the way i can be the most graceful dancer in the water or i can be the worlds strongest woman... It's a beautiful thing.
Sunday, our friends asked us to go swimming with them at the community pool in Youghal. I was really excited before i remembered one thing: I'm still fat.
I have a bathing suit, but without even trying it on, i know that it won't fit.
I have a treadmill for the same reason i can't go swimming in public - i'm ashamed of showing my body to the world.
My husband could tell i was extremely bummed out - and he told me that it was a shame that i was raised in the society that i was. I suppose in Europe, being fat is not actually a big deal - and truly, i'm not enormously fat (as i make myself out to be)... just overweight and super sensitive about it.
I wanted him to go though, because i knew he'd have a great time, however, he would not go without me. So... i grabbed my book and went along with the group. I stayed in the chairs in the lobby reading and tried to ignore the gigantic wall of glass looking into the swimming pool, where occasionally V would smile and wave. I knew he was having a great time, and i'm really glad.
It was just hard to watch everyone having so much fun doing my favorite thing, and not being able to let myself participate. It was really, really hard to put on a brave face and ask my friends how their time was, and listen to them tell me how good the water felt and how fun the water slide was.
It's silly to be jealous of them, because it's my own fault that i look the way i do - too much pie. haha but i keep reminding myself that the next time they go, i'll be able to enjoy myself right along with them. I'll be able to feel the water rush against my face and feel light as a feather, floating on top of it.
No pity party for me, i'm losing weight. There's no time to feel sorry for myself - i've got to run!!!
Today's running plan (i've decided to stick with calling it "running"...) on the C25k schedule is to do two repetitions of the following (after a 5 minute warm up walk):
- jog 90 seconds
- walk 90 seconds
- jog 3 minutes (!!!)
- walk 3 minutes
followed by a 5 minute cool down walk.
Last week, going into my first workout - i saw that i was going to run for 90 seconds and i'll admit, i thought i wouldn't make it. This week, looking over the schedule for this run - i saw 3 minutes and my eyeballs got about as wide as dinner plates.
Because of the success of last week though, i felt that i could tackle this.
I received a comment from a fellow C25K'er Katie. I went to have a lookie on her blog and see her progress - and discovered that there's an app for the C25K running plan! She has the iPhone app, (oh how i miss my iPhone...) but i looked it up and there's an Android version of it too. Score!
I downloaded it and used it today for the first time.
The app plays music that i select and told me when to start running and walking... it was pretty great! After the warm-up walk, i was prompted to start running, and the timer started ticking down 90 seconds. I knocked that run out. I did really well, if i do say so myself, but the first run is always easiest.
The first three minute run was over before i knew it. I focused on my breathing and the C25K app let me know verbally that i had 2 minutes left of my run, then after it was finished, told me to walk. I couldn't believe it! I just ran for THREE MINUTES!!! AND i think the best part about it was that i didn't feel like i was going to die. I was ready to keep on going!
My second three minute run was definitely harder, but not so much that i thought about quitting.
Today i decided to be adventurous and wear my Vibram Five-Fingers Classics. My feet and ankles started to feel a little worn out about a minute into my three minute run - but i think that's because i've been running in regular tennis shoes up until today. Running in the VFFs, i actually run completely different - landing on the ball of my foot rather than my heel (i walk the same as normal though). Because that running style works a different set of muscles, i believe that is why my legs and feet got a bit tired.
Overall, i'm very proud of myself and really looking forward to my next run!!
We're going to England for the weekend so... i'm mildly concerned about my run. If worse comes to worse though, i guess i'll just run outside... maybe there will be some remote location. Eek!!!