14 March, 2009

the shape of change.

Perhaps some people dont realize or appreciate what a different (for the better) person i have become in six months. I'm noticing that shadows of my past are trying to come back and haunt me- what they don't seem to notice, is that i'm not the same person who cast that shadow. If a square casts a square shadow- it's completely understandable. But when the square chips off it's corners and becomes a ball, the shadow changes too.
I feel like i'm a ball on a cloudy day (no shadow) and my square shadow is chasing me as i roll along the road.
Besides. i'm not looking for a shadow. I'm looking for an equal.

Things i needed/settled for/wanted when i was still in my old life are not the same things i need/won't settle for/want now.
I know what i want. I know what i need. I know where i want to go in life (sort of) and i know who/what/attributes will hold me back from where i want to be.
I know what kind of life i want and to be honest- i've worked really hard to start that life since i've been here.
I'm digging myself out of debt, pulling myself closer to God, standing on my own two feet, and working hard at my life. I need someone who is responsible, loves God as much as i do, and is stable! I need someone i can look up to... i'm done feeling held back.

Not only that- but i'm not looking to waste time in my already short life by molding someone into what i want them to be. A good relationship is about compromise, yes- but it shouldn't be about changing from a square to a dodecahedron because it's a vague resemblance of a ball.
A ball needs a ball (or an oval, or an oblate ellipsoid)...

if that square shadow wants to follow me around- fine. i dont mind being the inspiration and support to become something better for the shadow. But i'm not looking for a 2D resemblance of what i used to be. I need the real thing.

09 March, 2009

sorting through hope.

I finally went through all my boxes! Three moves across the United States have whittled my earthly possessions from what they once were to merely a few boxes, but you know what? Having only a few boxes and knowing exactly what is in each of them is much more satisfying than having a bunch of "stuff" sitting in unlabeled boxes which you kinda remember the gist of what is in them.
My best friend helped me label and sort many of my boxes after i was able to empty a few of them onto a bookshelf that i purchased for myself this past week.
I got rid of ALL my cardboard boxes and two of my plastic tubs. I literally narrowed it down from about 20 tattered cardboard boxes (some of which have been in use since 1989, no joke) to about 10.
I cut down, resorted, and slimmed my junk by 50%! Do you realize how strangely liberating that is?
Liberating and a little depressing (only a little) that i can fit my entire life into ten plastic tubs and a bookshelf.
I always loved seeing my parents' old childhood things. I marveled at their teenage diaries, old love letters, clothes, art, music, knick-knacks... and was almost always sad that there wasn't MORE to see!!
i never understood why they didn't keep more of it! So as a kid, teen, and young adult- i set aside many things for my kids to see. Old toys, books, clothes, art...
i had quite a few boxes of "things" that i couldn't wait to show my kiddos.

Well... as i got older and started to move things on my own, i found less of the things i thought were important a long time ago worth another move. Worth the cost of another trip, another postage fee, or another plea to a friend to keep for a few months/weeks/years.
I still have some things- mostly books and clothes (which i know will not be very interesting to my children)... and i have an entire box of barbies and doll clothes. We all know that if i have only boys, that box will have been saved strictly for my own enjoyment years down the road lol!

It's funny what things end up moving from place to place. My hope chest comes to mind...
This is one of my four pieces of furniture (chest, dresser, side table, new bookshelf) and the ONLY one that has made it through every single move.
It belonged to my grandmother. Her parents bought it for her when she was married. My grandmother gave it to my mother when she was married. My mother passed it down to me when i moved out of the house with my (now ex)husband on my arm...
this weekend i cleaned it out. It has carried things from my past in it since after the divorce.
I re-purposed it to hold my linens, including blankets made for my future children by my mother. It's nice to be able to open it often now. Previously, i only opened it once every few months.

It is made of cedar, and every time i open it, the smell of cedar comes rushing out of it and a wave of good memories wash over me. Memories of when i was small and "helped" my mother take china out of it to set the table with. Memories from teenage years and picking out things to go in it with my mom for my future life... I believe it will always be my favorite piece of furniture.

05 March, 2009


I find it fairly coincidental that i have free internet... i'm very excited about this discovery.

My roommate's boyfriend has a macbook who's charger fits my computer. I have made an accord- use of his laptop charger in exchange for use of my iPhone charger. i think it's a pretty good deal. At least for a few hours.
He informed me that today he found full wireless through a neighbor's apartment for the low low bargain price of $0.

Tonight after work, my best friend and i went to the store to pick up the makin's for our Wednesday night ritual: Lost and Guacamole night. We also picked up the accoutrements for homemade burritos Chipotle Restaurant style (i have my very own recipe that i concocted and it is awesome, if i do say so myself). As we meandered through the aisles, we happened upon a tea section- I with my horribly sore throat from being sick decided upon some herbal tea.

I have to say, the effects are definitely wünderbar. Instant. Relief.
the ingredients are:
Organic Licorice Root, Organic Fennel Seed, Organic Wild Cherry Bark, Organic Cinnamon Bark, Organic Orange Peel, Organic Slippery Elm Bark, Organic Cardamom Seed, Organic Ginger Root, Organic Mullein Leaf, Organic Clove Bud, Organic Black Pepper... can you tell it's an organic tea? LOL

It's a naturally sweet tea. I'll admit that upon first sip, i was not very into it- but i love the aftertaste. Once it hits the rear tastebuds- it's awesome! Not to mention, my throat feels awesome while i drink it.

Tonight i was able to take my best friend's and my love-child home. hehe! By love-child, i mean plant... and by plant, i mean Avocado.
You see, my best friend and i have a love for avocados. We eat about 3-4 a week and try to put them in things like salads, sandwiches, smoothies, and of course guacamole. I have a special recipe (involving cottage cheese- stop grimacing) that is really yummy!
I decided that my Christmas gift to my best friend was going to be a growing Avocado plant. I "planted" three or four pits in different ways- but to no avail. I started them early into November and by the following month, nothing was happening. I was a bit discouraged.
Well, i went to California in December to visit another friend of mine. He showed me around a little and we ended up finding these enormous orchards of avocados! it was a dream come true! I purchased the biggest avocado i could find for my best friend as a souvenir and went on my merry way.
One night after i came home from vacation- out of desperation, we cut the avocado open only to find that it was not yet ripe... to our dismay, we placed both halves back in the fridge in hopes that it would ripen.
three days later, we open the halves only to see that the pit had sprouted ROOTS! So we placed it in a jar with toothpicks- and here we have a GROWING AVOCADO TREE almost 7 weeks later!

the other day, it had two additional leaves sprouting from the top. After doing some research, the suggestion we found most often was to pinch off the top leaves to encourage the other shoots to grow from the trunk.
We pinched two of the three leaves off- but couldn't bear to pinch off the third.
Today, (three days later) the leaf had doubled in size, and the other shoots were still smallish- so i begrudgingly pinched it off. Now it looks like a plain ole stock. LOL!
My best friend and i hope to plant it in some soil within the week!
We have named our love-child "Kado".

Kado made the journey from her house to my apartment today to escape the possibility of her cats munching off any new growth, and is now sitting in my window sill waiting for some morning sunshine :-)

I can't wait to see how nicely Kado grows as an indoor plant. Maybe someday we'll have some fruit!

04 March, 2009

not very connected...

Hi, my name is Shannon. I have an addiction to being connected.

I have moved into my new apartment! yaaay! i could have really used more hands, but i wont complain. On a week's notice- i still got everything moved in one day. There were a couple helpers from my group of friends, and i sincerely appreciate them.
BUT as we know, things go missing in a move.

The thing i miss the most, is my brain. HAHA just kidding (but seriously, i really miss it)- I lost my computer cord. SO my poor little MacBook is sitting at home in its case slowly dying. I know that if i dont find it this week i'll have to go buy another. Then inevitably, i'll find my old one the very next day. Funny how that works. Maybe i should just PRETEND to buy a new one and i'll find the old one?

My best friend came over the other day to help me with the apartment, and we decided that she would be the most help assisting me with shopping.
For food.
We went on an adventure to find value marts and thrift stores. I have to say... as much as i love to save a dollar here and there- i really am not a big fan of the value mart in general. They are mostly dirty places with questionable produce... Speaking of which:

Really?! 25 pounds of LARD?! What exactly do you do with 25 pounds of Lard? it reminds me of a picture i found long ago that i thought was especially absurd:

Happy?! *sigh*

On another note, we went to Jungle Jims too. I was inspired to go on a tea spree. I've never been a big fan of tea, but recently i have found a tea called "Good Earth- Sweet and Spicy"... alas. i can't seem to find it ANYWHERE. *hangs head*
However, i stumbled upon the ENGLAND section of Jungle Jims and was fronted with a WALL of tea. Mostly different teas. Caffeinated and Non-Caffeinated. Awesome and delicious and non-awesome and delicious (sounding).
If you know anything about me, though- you know that Caffeine is generally not a good thing for me. I'm fairly high strung so a natural high is one that i'm always riding... a caffeine high usually makes me buzz and work super fast for about an hour, only to let me down hard afterward.
therefore, i decided that based purely on the label: this particular tea was not for me.

i settled on some nice Peppermint tea to start with, and went with that.


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