10 October, 2010

Calling in Fat...

In one of my favourite movies "Keeping the Faith", Rabbi Jake Schram's mother was lovingly and jokingly reminiscing about how he woke up one day and just didn't fit into any of his clothes for school. She laughed uproariously as she proclaimed, "He had to call in fat!"
I sort of laughed at this particular line because really... how could anyone not know they're too fat for their clothes until the day it happens? 

For the past year, i've been in a constant battle with my weight. Technically, for the past 10 years i could say i've been in somewhat of a battle with it - but particularly for the last year i've gained much more weight than usual and have been particularly sedentary. The problem for me has been that the weight gain has made me lethargic and un-motivated (i'm HEAVY! i feel like i'm walking around with the weight of an entire outfit made of soggy-wet denim) not to mention a little depressed. A further problem is that i'm an emotional eater!

Basically, last night we were invited to a little get-together at a friend's house and i cheerfully went upstairs to find something to wear. 20 minutes later, and a little less cheerful, i rummaged through my suitcase (which remains packed from trying to get out of Ireland and into the USA) to find something. Armed with a few shirts, some trousers, and a sweater, i head back upstairs to try it all on. 15 minutes and a mini-meltdown later, i ruefully tell my husband to go to the get-together without me. Why? Because i can't find a single thing to wear that i feel modest and comfortable in. Something i wouldn't be tugging at and adjusting all night... Bleh. What a terrible feeling. I mean, man...
And the worst part? All i could think about after V left, was to grab a handful of chocolate chips or bake some cookies to soothe my wounded pride.

Instead, i grabbed a rice cake and drizzled some honey over it (50 Calories), and vowed to re-start my dieting and exercise plans ASAP. 

Maybe with a little prayer, i can stay motivated this time and really see some results. It's times like this, that a friend who'd be going through it with me would be nice. I imagine it would be easier to have someone there to be held accountable to and to hold them accountable too.
At any rate - i'm going at it again! Wish me luck, and say a little (or big) prayer for me! I really need to do this.


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